A child-free life, not a child-free world
Hot take: children deserve to be in public spaces
Recently, I’ve observed a series of conversations on the internet where commenters on women’s social media posts assert that children shouldn’t be allowed in public spaces.
It started with Kelly Stumpe (better known as The Car Mom) sharing her car seat setup for two of her four young children on a Southwest flight to Phoenix. One of her sons was rear-facing in a car seat, and she shared on her Instagram stories that the flight attendant was openly rude to her, noting that the passenger in front of her (notably, her father-in-law) was unable to recline. This occurred despite the fact that she had 1) purchased a seat for her son and 2) brought a car seat that was well within Southwest and FAA guidelines. Her conclusion was clear: “I bought and paid for seats, brought compliant seats, and want my children to be properly restrained. If someone can’t recline, that shouldn’t come at the expense of my children’s safety and comfort.”
I then read a similar story from Kelsey Eggers (@twinsandatoddlertravel), who was told by a flight attendant that she was not allowed to have both her twins and her toddler in car seats on the plane. Despite asking the airline multiple times about this, she was forced to have one of her twins as a lap infant during the flight.
Lastly, I saw this reel from Lauren Nolan (Lake Shore Lady) in response to rude comments on a different reel she posted of her and her baby at a brewery.
These experiences highlight a growing tension I’ve noticed both online and in real life regarding the presence of children in public spaces. These narratives reveal a deeper issue: a growing intolerance and lack of empathy towards families with young children.
Whenever a mom (and yes, it’s usually a mom—dads simply do not receive the same kind of harassment) posts about traveling with her children, dining at a restaurant, or being in any space not “designed” specifically for children, a subset of commenters inevitably asks, “Why did you take your kids to that place? Your children would have disrupted my experience. Leave them at home.”
I’m going to hold your hand when I say this: You are entitled to a child-free life, not a child-free world. While children, especially young ones, can be disruptive on flights or in restaurants, expecting parents to confine themselves and their children to playgrounds and home for the first several years of their children’s lives is not only impractical but discriminatory.
This feels like a uniquely American phenomenon. My husband and I traveled to Europe last May with our then-15-month-old, and the most striking cultural difference was how children are treated. In European societies (we traveled to The Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, and Germany), children are not merely tolerated but welcomed, embraced, and integrated into daily life. Most museums offer free or very low-cost admission for children under 18. Children are present everywhere—in cafes, restaurants, and bars. Readily available public transit makes navigating with strollers effortless. Even during my son’s public meltdowns, people barely reacted, and many offered sympathetic looks or even assistance. This stands in stark contrast to my experiences in the United States, where I often feel judged when my son is having a hard time, lies down in the middle of Sephora (true story from last week!), or takes too long to board a plane. The prevailing attitude is that my son should not be where he is, and I should just stay home with him.
Of course, Europe has additional sociopolitical infrastructure that makes raising children easier—universal healthcare, paid family and sick leave, government-subsidized child care, mandated vacation time, and strong labor unions. Still, the day-to-day interactions feel fundamentally different from my experiences in the U.S.
A subset of the American populous seems to view children as inconveniences rather than developing human beings, a perspective that fails to recognize the fundamental social need for children to experience and learn from diverse environments and one that expects parents to isolate themselves and their children. This is both unrealistic and psychologically harmful.
Isolating families can lead to, among other things, increased parental stress and potential mental health challenges, reduced socialization opportunities for children, and a perpetuation of a society that does not support its most vulnerable citizens. I remember how getting out of the house to visit a brewery with friends when my son was 8 or 10 weeks old felt like a healing balm when my postpartum anxiety was at its highest. And while some may argue that “children need to learn how to behave in public,” it also seems that any parental attempts to facilitate this learning are often criticized.
Instead of shaming parents (read: mothers) for bringing their children out in public, we should instead recognize that children are learning, growing humans; understand that parents are navigating complex challenges; and practice patience and compassion. Trust me—that mom on the plane also does not want her toddler to be screaming. Perhaps you could offer her a glass of water or, at the very least, help with the luggage.
Seeing women be constantly berated for simply wanting to exist with their children out int he world is something I’m pretty much done with. Empathy, understanding, and support create stronger, more resilient communities. This debate around children in public spaces is not about noise or inconvenience—it’s about our collective social fabric. Intolerance serves no one.
What else I can’t let go of this week
MAHA, of course
My toxic trait is that I’m obsessed with the “MAHA movement” as a political tool, and will consume any and all content examining, debunking, and critiquing its nonsense.
If you have 3 hours to spare, I cannot recommend
’ latest deep dive on the “MAHA Mamas” enough.
I really enjoyed
’s and ’s conversation on about their journeys from crunchy to not-so-crunchy moms.
This piece from one of my favorites,
, is all about what the MAHA moms get wrong about wellness in their wholly individualistic approach to their children’s health.
The Severance Finale (spoiler free)
It really feels like they packed all the action from Season 2 into that one episode. I’m really not sure how I feel about the ending, and I sometimes just don’t feel smart enough to watch the show at all.
Money, Lies, and God by Katherine Stewart
I absolutely flew threw this wild ride of a book. If you are trying to understand the forces and personalities driving right-wing causes and Christian Nationalist priorities in our country, Katherine Stewart has got you. I didn’t find this particularly hopeful, but it was sobering and should be a wake up call to the Democratic Party and progressives about just how far behind we are.
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agree this is a uniquely american phenomenon ! My husband and I want to start an informal bar / cafe at a local park here in LA to replicate the ubiquitous xiringuito / chiringuitos found all over Spain in parks, beaches, and other outdoor areas. We loved sitting at the xiringuito while watching our (then) 4 year old play nearby in the playground, only minimally supervised while we enjoyed a midday clara (beer and lemonade, no shame). Bonus: there were no interventionist parents on the playground trying to adjudicate minor disputes over toys or turns on the swings. We went to a very fancy restaurant in BCN and my son and a friend walked around the outdoor dining space looking at the trees and playing around (not too chaotically) and no one batted an eye or gave us a dirty look. Outside of America, children are part of the culture, expected to be active in society, and not considered a "burden" we all have to live with.