Moms as Magic Makers
Creating holiday joy, fighting comparison, and balancing burnout
(Note: If you’re reading from email, you might have to click through to read on the web or the Substack app to see the full post.)
Yesterday, on her Instagram stories,
, creator of Hey, Sleepy Baby and writer of here on Substack, reposted a TikTok of a mom wrapping 24 children’s books in brown craft paper and then subsequently decorating them as gingerbread houses for a different take on an Advent calendar.
Now, if you know me, you know I love an Advent calendar, but I’m with Rachael when she says that while the books looked cute and so fun and I’m sure they bring a lot of joy to the mom’s kids, “I’m not doing that at 10:00 PM.” It’s the same way I feel when I see people doing exceptionally creative things with their Elves on the Shelves. I admire it for them, and also I am not doing it. I’m going to wait as long as humanly possible (possibly even forever) to bring a damn Elf into my house. And I’m also so thrilled for you if it brings you joy. But at this point in time, the above and beyond of it all just sounds exhausting. Even OG blogger Carly Riordan, who writes
on here, and who always seems to have the holiday magic making down to a science, said on her Instagram stories that she outsourced the outdoor decorations on her house this year. Because babies and toddlers.And, of course, there’s another, darker side to this conversation about invisible labor and the mental load and keeping up with the Joneses and unrealistic expectations and social media and and and…
Mostly, I’m just here to say that if you’re out here making all the holiday magic and buying all the gifts for your extended family and your in-laws and the daycare teachers and making the reservations for all the local holiday events and booking the babysitters for all the Christmas parties and making sure the photos get taken for the holiday cards you have the order, address, and send out, then I see you. I had my husband bring up the Christmas tree from the basement on November 17th and I didn’t finish decorating it or the rest of the inside of the house until the night before we left for my parents’ house for Thanksgiving on the 25th. The Thanksgiving holiday and break from work helped a lot, but after the election and in the middle of a very busy Q4 at work, I was on the brink of full burnout. I didn’t think I had any more in me. I was sucked completely dry.
And this is my favorite freaking time of the year! I don’t want to do it on empty, especially as Rowan is slightly more aware of what’s going on this year.
So, here are some things I’m doing to try to ease the pressure on myself and actually to enjoy the season…
My mom tasked me with stuffing, a salad, and a dessert for Thanksgiving. I made the stuffing (which was delicious btw) a day ahead and the salad the morning of. I outsourced the sugar cream pie to local fave Pots & Pans because at this point in my baking journey, pie crust and I don’t get along very well, and I knew I didn’t want to be stressed the week of.
I made it my mission this year to keep a list and buy gifts for people when I saw things on sale, etc., so I just have a few remaining things to get, including stocking stuffers, but as someone who has always been a mostly last-minute shopper, it feels really good to be almost done with my Christmas shopping.
I’m prioritizing just a couple of the big local holiday events—Christmas at the Zoo because we have a membership and Winterlights because my parents are coming to town this weekend and I haven’t been in a couple of years. We’ll also pick a day to go to the Carmel Christkindlmarkt. If we happen to have a free afternoon, I’d like to take Rowan to Jingle Rails at the Eiteljorg because he’s very into “choo choos” right now, but anything beyond the first two is just gravy.
I’m doing cash gifts for the teachers in our life. I don’t have energy to put together a gift basket and honestly, they probably prefer cash and a nice, handwritten note anyway.
Embracing Advent. As an Episcopalian, the Advent season has always been very meaningful to me, and as stated above, the more Advent calendars, the better. I’m also focusing on our nightly Advent practice using
’s Shadow & Light. We’ve had the book for a few years now, and I love how each day there’s a reflection, a Psalm, a question to answer, a song, and a work of art. It makes the act of lighting the wreath a sensory experience, and I find it incredibly moving.Reading holiday books and only holiday books. I’m going to try to get through as many as I can between now and New Year’s. I’m also doing this for Rowan. I just picked up several fun holiday books for him at the library this weekend!
My holiday TBR Combatting my seasonal affective disorder by taking walks in the early evening to look at the lights in the neighborhood.
Watching all the holiday movies from the classics to the new originals. Hot tip: I watched Hot Frosty last night and it is a damn delight.
Leaning into holiday dressing. Plaid, red, sequins, fair isle… You name it, I’m wearing it all season long.
I booked a massage for next week. I regret nothing.
Wherever the season finds you, I hope you find a little time to make magic for yourself and that you schedule rest and self-care.
What Else I Can’t Let Go Of This Week
#GivingTuesday is today
I’m honored to be serving as a Foundation Champion for the Delta Gamma Foundation’s Giving Tuesday campaign this year. I invite you to join me in making a meaningful impact for current and future members of Delta Gamma. As a member of DG, the work of the Delta Gamma Foundation is close to my heart, as it supports vital programs that foster leadership, promote academic excellence, and provide assistance to sisters in need. From scholarships for deserving students to Service for Sight initiatives that support those who are blind or visually impaired, the Delta Gamma Foundation is dedicated to making the world a brighter place. If you feel moved, please use my link to give tomorrow!
Any and all discourse about Ballerina Farm on the cover of Evie, the far-right MAGAzine that is seemingly just a front for Peter Thiel’s period tracking app
ICYMI, Hannah Neeleman, better known as Ballerina Farm, is featured on the cover of Evie this month. After years of playing coy and sidestepping questions of whether or not Hannah is a #tradwife or how she and her billionaire husband Daniel vote, it seems she has dropped all pretense of political neutrality and gone full MAGA.
posted a reel about it, specifically it being a front for collecting women’s health data and pushing anti-birth control propaganda.It’s Neeleman’s steely gaze, which, combined with the aggressive headline, seems to convey that she is done evading questions of politics. She is done with middle-of-the-road “choice feminism.” She is done trying to make liberals and progressives relate to her. Now, in the second era of Trump, she (and Daniel) finally seem comfortable in their roles as icons of the conservative right.
Author
wrote about it on Instagram.We can’t all be wealthy former dancers married to frat boys turned cowboys. But we can all kneel. We can work with our hands and make it take all day, so we don’t have hours of leisure or other endeavors. We can all work to look sun-kissed yet strong, over 30 but also 19. We can cover our hair and speak like sweet sexy babies and be so busy baking no one is watching our kids. We can reframe consent so that we’re constant available. We can give up contraception and have a quiverful. We can give up on education and check a few boxes at home, centered on ideology over development. We can all become evie magas…..can’t we?
A friend of mine rightfully pointed out that this whole thing is also more than a right-wing mis- and disinformation vehicle. It is also steeped in white supremacist patriarchy. “The New American Dream” (wtf does that mean anyway?) is only attainable, of course, if you’re white, blonde, thin, and wealthy. Afterall, the Neelemans aren’t third or fourth or fifth generation farmers who’ve tended the same land in Utah as their great-grandparents. They’re heirs to the Jet Blue fortune who moved to Kamas (which is just 20 minutes from Park City, despite how remote their Instagram feed would have you believe) after Daniel decided he was tired of city life and seemingly forced his wife to quit pursuing her dance career in favor of cosplaying homesteading. To add to the racism of it all, another cover blurb highlights Eva Vlaardingerbroek, a far-right Dutch activist who is a regular guest of Tucker Carlson’s and has been known to push the Great Replacement Theory as the cause of the Dutch farming crisis. Yikes.
I know I seemingly talk about her all the time, but I literally can’t let Ballerina Farm (and broader discussions about #tradwives) go. As
said the day after the election:The proliferation of tradwives on social media is not a silly trend from which we can afford to look away. It’s not solely a marketing strategy to gain eyeballs and sell calico dresses. It’s an ideology steeped in internalized misogyny and repressive political goals. And the women peddling this ideology are very good at dressing subjugation and white male supremacy up in pretty bows to the millions of white women looking for a better way to live.
IU with a 11-1 season and a chance at the CFP
If you would’ve told 2008 freshman in college me that Indiana would have an 11-1 season and likely headed to the College Football Playoff, I would have laughed in your face and gone straight to get a water long island from Kilroy’s. The absolute routing of the Boilermakers made the end of the regular season that much sweeter. HOO HOO HOO!
I’d love for you to tell me your favorite holiday traditions in the comments, so perhaps we can use each other’s magic making abilities to our advantage.
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Great post! I eased the pressure on myself by paying to have all my Christmas cards addressed. The best 40 some dollars I have ever spent!